I must admit that I shed quite a few tears over this - nothing like bringing the rest of the family to tears too. Was it just because I really liked Shadow? No. I did really like him though. When we got them I didn't expect much even though I spent months figuring out that gerbils would be a good first pet for the family (er, I mean my daughter). They each have very distinct personalities and even though they don't produce the same level of interaction as dogs - you do talk to them and they do like your attention. They are very curious and if you are doing anything near them they like to get in the middle of it.. sit in their play area and they like to climb on you and sit on our knees, shoulders, etc. If you sweep their play area they want to sit and/or run in front of the brush/broom. If you are doing other work in the room they will sometimes just sit so they can keep an eye on you.. and try to get your attention for the treat they know you really want to give them..
So, if the tears were not just for a beloved animal then why? I have always liked animals and I always hate to see one sick and/or hurt. It is really sad to see an animal that is hurt and in pain - especially when they can't tell you what is wrong and have no way to fix it. Here is what I went through with Shadow.
- On May 23th, I was doing my normal nightly "come out and say hi and you get a treat" thing. That night Shadow did come out but only to grab the treat and head back down into his little hideaway in their tank. Normally he is a little more social but I thought that maybe he had just been playing during the night too much and was tired.
- On May 24th, I had not seen him and he wouldn't come out for any treat. I got concerned and took their topper off and had to dig out his nest area. He was curled up and didn't want to move - his brother was curled up next to him at that time. I was very concerned at that point but it was too late that night to do much. My daughter and wife had gone to the apartment for one last night since my daughter had her last brick and mortar school exam the next day. My son was already in bed at that point. It was probably 11pm or so. I tried to rouse him a little and he would walk a little bit but was obviously not feeling well. He usually would only move for 10 seconds or so and then sit or lay down wherever he was and just stay there if not disturbed. I cleared a spot in their play area so I could sit and he did come over and just curled up on my leg and laid there. The last time one of them did that was when they were about 8 weeks old - just after we got them. They are normally in constant motion if not sleeping in their tank. I put him in his sleeping area after trying to get him to drink.. not very successfully. I did some research and decided that his only real chance was going to the vet the next day. Fortunately, there was one just down the street and they treat gerbils (not all vets treat small/"exotic" animals).
- The morning of May 25th, he was still acting the same and I was mildly surprised he was alive. I got to the vet when they opened and they noticed some blood in the urine. They expected it was a urinary tract infection (I didn't do xrays due to cost) so they gave him some antibiotics, pain killer and pumped him with fluid. They gave me the same meds to give him. He had a mild seizure earlier that morning which I found out from the vet can occur if they are in lots of pain. The expectation was that the meds would make a difference within 24 hours. By that night though, he still wasn't any better. When I gave him his medicine that night about 8pm he did obviously like the flavor and took it well. He did move a few times but by 10pm I decided I better try to hand feed him some water. I don't think he was making any attempts to drink during the day. I got out the kids old medicine syringe filled with water and tried to get him to drink. That worked a little bit but I still don't think he was getting enough. He just laid on my chest for the most part and would occasionally wander a bit like he couldn't get comfortable. By midnight it was obvious he wasn't improving. I still had some small hope in me that he would improve but in my heart I thought he would die in the night. When I put him in a spare tank that night, he almost seemed dead at that point but was still breathing. I had been praying (yes, remember God said to pray for even the little things) that he would either get better or pass so he wasn't in pain.
- May 26th around 6am I got up and he had died. If he had been alive, my daughter was going to help give him his medicine that morning. I woke her to let her know he was gone and to figure out how we wanted to handle it.
So were my tears just because of the trauma involved in trying to save a small creature that was in pain and could not do anything on its own? That was part of it but not all.
The gerbils are the first pets that I have ever purchased myself and were our first family pets. When we first got them, for quite a long time - me and my daughter would sit in their play area and play with them. It was a nice bonding moment for me and Rachel - and the gerbils. I have many fond memories of those days. So some tears were related to sentimental moments. I don't think that was all the reason for tears either though.
I asked Rachel what she would like to do with him. She said she didn't care but I think she din't want to think about it. I asked if she would like us to bury him in the back yard. She liked that idea. I got some spare wood (Gerbils are excited already at that thought) and made a box (i.e. tiny coffin) and we put him inside and used the air nail gun to close it up good. When we went looking for a spot, I recommended near a nice palm tree and Rachel liked that but pointed to a slightly different spot and said "but in the sun". I shed couple more tears at that for some reason.
I think any loss reminds us that death is in everyone's future. It reminds us of beloved family members that we lost (like most of my grandparents at this point). It forces us to acknowledge that someday we will die and stand before God too.
I think that I shed tears for all those reasons.
As much as I liked Shadow and as much as I hate for Thumper to be alone - I am glad Shadow isn't in pain now. Now only if my wife didn't say "no more gerbils".. maybe a dog in our future. I suspect Thumper would be fine having a puppy running around that he can watch. Ok, probably not yet - too many house things to deal with right now.
Remember to praise God during both the good and bad times.
Scott
[Edit] The last picture of Shadow as I was trying to get him to drink while just laying on me.
